I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He? As in you personified your dick?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
