im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Found the puke drawer
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
