how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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