I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i think i just lost a toe
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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