Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
