K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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