We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
