I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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