Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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