I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
