Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
