i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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