He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
