How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
smell my finger.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
