And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
