I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
