i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize