the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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