some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
