Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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