He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
