Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
