Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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