we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
