New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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