She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
