so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
