the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
