i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
