You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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