He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
