can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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