i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize