i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
