I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
