So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
