Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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