I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
