He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
