There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
