I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
