where am i from again
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
