I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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