The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
