Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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