perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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