Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
