So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
