sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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