so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
