it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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