I will probably be peed on at some point today.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
