man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
