Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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