Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
