I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
