take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
