if i can run in heels then i can drive
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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