We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
