do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
