I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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