I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
