my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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