i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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