Did you just see the Batmobile???
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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