i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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