Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
