I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
