I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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