o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
