Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize