Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
