so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
