You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
