I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize