no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
not ubering you a puppy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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