apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's never too late to be topless.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
