do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
