So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
