I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
