Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
