So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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