I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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