If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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