This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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