I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize