i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
