That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
