i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
