I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
