either way he was missing a nipple.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
