Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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