I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
