I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
