At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
