We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
