So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
