My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
