i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize