so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
why do cheetos always look like penises
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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