That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
