You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
