I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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