I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
