I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize